“it smells like someone set an orphanage on fire”- Freelancers #2 with commentary

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1.)  In the heightened reality of Freelancers people say “protect ya neck” all of the time.

One reviewer took umbrage with Val’s exclamation, and claimed that it took him out of the story.

…The story about two sexy bounty hunters who grew up in a Kung Fu orphanage, and function in a fictional L.A. criminal underground wherein every Linday Lohan and Brittany Murphy is secretly a Boba Fett.

I don’t know what to do with that.

2.) “They can wail on us ’til our bones turn to dust…doesn’t mean they’ve beaten us” are some pretty good words to live by.

That’s essentially my whole take on Freelancers.

3.) My editor changed “it smells like someone set an orphanage on fire” to “smells like napalm and hairspray”.  He was probably right to do so.

4.) The Bruce Lee taunt.  Doesn’t get any better than that. A kung fu staple.

5.) I tried to sneak hokey martial arts “dad captions” into this.  One of them was “Aja’s Iron Fist!”.  Terrible.  Super hacky. Ultra derivative.  I’m glad they cut it.

6.) I think my brother was the first one who told me about “white parties”.  He used to be the night life columnist for The New York Post.  Pretty much the Bizarro me.

7.) “Burgos” is named after Dan Burgos, a contributer to www.ComicBookTherapy.com , and a good friend.

8.) Cass and Kat’s sibling rivalry comes out.  Cass’ argument is pretty weak.  I don’t buy it. You shouldn’t either.

9.)   Super high brow masturbatory meta-humor.  I am the Dan Harmon of comics!

10.) Look at those hues!  Vladimir Popov did a great job with this one.  It’s like Purple Rain meets Drive.

11.) That last panel is missing a word balloon.  It’s supposed to say “Maybe not today, but soon…And by my hand”.

12.) That “ramen and peanut butter” line is something my assistant Cynthia Gerriets says every payday.  When Val speaks I hear Cynthia’s voice in my head.

13.) I have those shorts.  Wearing ’em right now, in fact.

14.) “Barajas” is named after www.ComicsBeat.com contributor and author of El Loco Henry Barajas. For obvious reasons.

15.) Criscione takes his name from the owner of Jesse James’ Comics, Jesse James Criscione.  He’s totally not actually a mobster.

…probably.

16.) A cameo by Oates, of Hall and Oates!  Ask your dad.

17.) The “Nabokov” and “Humbert” pedophilia references are for my Russian Literature major bros.

18.) “Go time?” was originally “Is this the Drive soundtrack?”.

19.) Yep.  Those Waynes.

20.) “Defrocked Shaolin monks” sounds like a Wu Tang Clan record, doesn’t it?

21.)  Look at how good that second panel is.  That’s some G.I. Joe stuff right there.  Joshua Covey is my hero.

22.) BUM BUM BUM!

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